Chair Shots With Killem Faulkner: AEW Beach Break

If there’s one thing we can all agree on in this highly polarized modern world, it’s this: nothing says “beach party” like Cleveland in January. Okay, maybe we can’t all agree on that, but AEW seemingly thought so as this week’s edition of Dynamite was its Beach Break special. Despite coming from Ohio. In the middle of winter. Hey, technically there is a beach, though it is on Lake Erie. So it only kinda sorta counts.

Regardless, this special edition of AEW’s flagship show had some pretty significant moments in store, including a huge title unification ladder match, a Lights Out grudge match, and appearances from two of the company’s biggest stars. So grab a board, catch a wave, hang ten, maybe put on a scarf because it’s cold out there, and let’s check out the best and worst of this week’s beach bash.

Best Match of the Night

Another week, another decision between the first and last matches of the night as the best on the show. (There were only five matches on the show, one was the standard Wardlow squash spruced up by making it a handicap so he got to powerbomb two opponents instead of just one, and the other two were a trios and women’s match with not much to write home about.) So let’s start at the top with the TNT Championship unification ladder match between Cody Rhodes and Sammy Guevara. Not just because it was the first match on the show but because, in my very humble opinion, it was just slightly less good (though more important) than the main event. First and foremost, let me say how much I appreciate AEW hanging the title belts properly high enough above the ring to require the big ladder to reach. Sure, you wouldn’t want to do spots off the top of one of these bad boys on a regular basis, but then again, you probably shouldn’t do ladder matches regularly anyway so may as well go big, right? Cody Rhodes, who I am reliably informed knows about going big, and Sammy Guevara certainly lived up to the billing with massive spots like a massive vertical suplex, a springboard cutter, and a Cross Rhodes all off the ladder. Oh, and Sammy channeled his inner Charismatic Enigma with a dive off the top of a ladder onto his opponent who was lying on another ladder propped between the ring apron and the barricade. And that ladder didn’t break. So he really just bounced off which seems massively unpleasant for both men. Oh, and Cody Rhodes set up a ladder upside-down and slammed Sammy chest-first onto the supports, which also seems incredibly unenjoyable. I guess what I’m saying is, this was a good match for people who enjoy watching painful things happen to other people, but that’s kind of par for the course, right? You’re meant to appreciate the fact that people put their bodies on the line and come out of it without seriously injuring themselves, ideally. Thankfully, it seems like both men came out of it in one piece, and they put on quite a performance in the process. Guevara winning was the right call, though you could easily argue he never needed to lose the title in the first place considering the end result was him winning the title right back, but at least he got a chance to showcase his high-flying, risk-taking abilities, not to mention his toughness. It’s not really clear where Rhodes goes from here, though with reports that his contract has expired that may be intentional in case he somehow doesn’t re-sign, but I suppose Dan Lambert and Scorpio Sky lurking in the skybox or wherever might have been a setup for a feud with either man – Lambert and Rhodes have crossed paths in the past, but the Men of the Year have both expressed an interest in challenging for the TNT Championship so maybe it’s Sky’s turn against Guevara. I suppose that ambiguity might be intentional, especially if the company genuinely doesn’t know what is going to happen with Rhodes. Regardless, this match did feel like a fitting end to the short feud between the two, freeing both men up for something new going forward. Hopefully this is the start of something bigger and better for the new undisputed TNT Champion.

The match of the night, unsurprisingly, was the main event Lights Out match between Adam Cole and Orange Cassidy. If the opening match went above and beyond to deliver a violent spectacle, this match went above, beyond, over, under, through, and back again – it built and built in intensity not to mention weaponry until it reached a stunning climax, and if the first match of the night seemed like the final entry in its feud, this was surely the last we’ll see of Best Friends vs. the Elite at least for a good while, right? Cole emptied the weapons cache from under the ring (with a particular moment that deserves a special mention that we’ll get to in a bit) and they managed to use just about everything in some creative and diabolical fashion. No ladders because of course not, but trash cans, chains, tables, chairs, and even a stage light found their way into the hands of the competitors and then, y’know, probably into the face of their opponent. A good bit of the match was devoted to whether Freshly Squeezed would be able to hit his Orange Punch finisher after Cole smashed the ring bell into his fist early in the bout and then pinned that same hand between the ring and the ring steps before kicking the steps to deal further damage. On the other side, Cole continually tried to find an opportunity to hit the Panama Sunrise to put away his hated foe, aiming his finger guns at Cassidy from the apron, the top rope, and finally the top of the entrance set. Ironically enough, only Cassidy was actually able to hit the move during the match, but in the end it was the Panama Playboy’s insistence on upping the ante that was his undoing, as Cassidy climbed up the same bit of scaffolding to surprise Cole atop the entrance setup and send both men crashing through the set below, with Cassidy landing on top for the pinfall victory. Though it was not as violent or technically brilliant as Britt Baker and Thunder Rosa’s Lights Out match last year, this was a satisfying conclusion to a feud that many have argued ran well beyond its sell-by date and played into the personalities of its performers nicely. There were some wacky comedic shenanigans (like Cole getting his forearm injured trying to go for a low blow only to realize Cassidy had surreptitiously put a thumbtack-spiked athletic supporter down his pants when his opponent wasn’t paying attention) as well as the requisite ultra-violence like Cassidy slamming Cole through the pair of chairs that he had set up to use just moments earlier. We also got just enough outside involvement from Brandon Cutler, the Young Bucks, ReDRagon, Roppongi Vice, Chuck Taylor, and Wheeler Yuta – basically everyone you’d expect besides Kris Statlander and Britt Baker, who were apparently not as invested in this feud enough to get involved – without them overshadowing the match. It didn’t feel as deeply personal as some other Lights Out matches, but the stipulation here mainly seemed to be used to justify having Cole lose without it technically affecting his undefeated record in AEW. Still, it was a fun match between two wrestlers who are just plain enjoyable to watch, and it achieved what it set out to do by creating a lasting memory in the minds of those who watched it as the likely finale in an overall entertaining feud.

Oh, and since I only had two match of the night candidates, if you want a bonus runner-up match for the week, go check out Wheeler Yuta vs. Penta El Zero M on Dark. I don’t review Dark so I rarely talk about it, and there aren’t often standout matches, but Yuta vs. Penta this week was excellent, in my opinion.

Best Moment of the Night

Maxwell Jacob Friedman and CM Punk had an excellent verbal altercation that finally turned physical, albeit in true MJF fashion it was his Pinnacle goons who actually did the dirty work of laying Punk out ahead of their long-awaited showdown in Chicago next week. Punk making fun of MJF’s cheap scarf and MJF responding to “you suck” chants by basically saying “oh, if I suck then I guess you must not want to see me wrestle” to call the Cleveland crowd’s bluff. Also, it was an interesting point that the first show CM Punk no-showed back in 2014 was actually in Cleveland, so MJF’s lines about Punk taking his ball and going home again were particularly suited to the occasion. Malakai Black and Brody King cut a particularly ominous promo on PAC and Death Triangle, saying the House of Black is as “inevitable” as death. I know Rey Fenix is out at the moment, and who knows when he’ll be healthy enough to return, but it does seem interesting that they specifically called out Death Triangle in this promo – might we see a third member of the House of Black at some point in this feud to even up the sides? Or, y’know, they’ll just have Andrade team up with Black again because outside of being “el presidente” of the AHFO, he’s not really doing much at the moment. But hey, you never know – someone vaguely spooky and evil might be brought in by the Kings of the Black Throne to be their third man.

Speaking of vaguely spooky and evil, the best moment of the night was the very nice, very evil appearance of Danhausen! During Adam Cole’s match with Orange Cassidy, he went to pull a steel chair from under the ring but found it surprisingly difficult to pull out before it was revealed that the one and only Danhausen was holding onto the other end of the chair and Cole pulled him out to gesture vaguely at him just long enough for Cassidy to get back into the match. It also appears that it wasn’t just a one-off appearance for the injured (now former) ROH star, as Tony Khan tweeted the obligatory “Danhausen is #AllElite” announcement following the match. Sure, he may not be able to do anything more than threaten to curse people, presumably from the blimp that Tony Elite will naturally be buying for him with his sacks of human monies, until his leg heals from the injury he suffered ironically on Halloween, but it was great to see the internet’s favorite wrestler getting some mainstream television exposure, and I greatly look forward to whatever he gets up to in AEW going forward. Love that Danhausen or be cursed!

Worst Matches/Moments of the Night

As I mentioned, the matches in between the opener and main event weren’t outright terrible, but they weren’t great either. They were all mildly varying degrees of fine. As far as negative moments of the night, there were two promos that weren’t so outright bad as they were fairly pointless. Vickie Guerrero shouting “Excuse me” at absolutely no one and Nyla Rose claiming that if she wrestled Ruby Soho 100 times, she’d beat the Runaway 99 times and would totally be TBS Champion right now if it weren’t for her meddling was…a thing that happened. Don’t get me wrong, Ruby vs. Nyla is a fine feud, but this was an odd way to get that program going. Thankfully it was a short promo segment, but it was a head-scratcher for sure. Even more head-scratching but not nearly as short was Britt Baker‘s promo segment, which basically boiled down to “look what a great 2021 I had” (crowd cheers) and “I share a name with Baker Mayfield but he sucks and I’m great” (crowd boos). If there was meant to be something more to this promo segment, I’m not really sure what it was. Of course noted Pittsburgh native Baker (Dr. Britt, that is, not Mayfield) was never going to get the full support of a Cleveland crowd that was still chapped over the fact that the Browns somewhat surprisingly missed the playoffs while the Steelers somewhat surprisingly made it just far enough to get waxed by the Chiefs, who are probably going to win the Super Bowl. (Thus ends Sports Talk with Killem Faulkner, now back to our regularly scheduled wrasslin’ chat.) Other than getting cheap heel heat for the women’s champ, this promo really accomplished nothing, and as talented as she is on the mic, it felt like she didn’t have enough material for the length of the promo. It wasn’t entirely terrible, again because Baker is a talented promo, but you certainly expect better when the company puts her in the ring with a mic in her hand.

Parting Shots

• Cody Rhodes had better be careful going after Fuego del Sol. I’m willing to bet Fuego II has something to say about Rhodes hitting a Tiger Driver 98 on his Too Fast Too Fuego partner. Just remember, Fuego II and Cody Rhodes are definitely different people.
• Yes, Tony Schiavone freezing his goatee off interviewing Powerhouse Hobbs and Ricky Starks at Edgewater Beach was hilarious, but the best part of the segment in my opinion was Hobbs with a fur coat over his usual shirtless overalls look completely no-selling the cold. I’m not suggesting that Hobbs isn’t tough enough to deal with the cold, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if all three men took off running for the warm vehicle that was no doubt standing by as soon as they finished the shot.
• Not sure if it was one of Britt Baker’s Pittsburgh pals or just a self-hating Ohioan, but somebody was holding up a “Cleveland is MID” sign in the crowd, appropriately deployed before the MJF/CM Punk promo segment. There was also a sign about bringing back Killer Instinct, but two things about that: first, this isn’t Botchamania, so I’m not going to start commenting on video game signs every week; second, I’m not sure Killer Instinct, a video game franchise that just had a definitive edition of its most recent entry released like five years ago, really warrants a “bring back X” sign. You sit close enough to hold up a video game sign at an AEW event, you really owe it to yourself and everyone else to tell Nintendo to re-release Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door or pick out some super obscure game to give a shoutout to that at least five people watching from home will go “hey I remember that game!” and everyone else will just ignore. Do your research, video game-loving AEW fans.
• Speaking of Punk/MJF, I’m really looking forward to their match next week – somehow I doubt this is the last time we’ll see that matchup, especially since Punk is likely to be less than his physical best after the attack from Shawn Spears, Wardlow, and FTR. Still, I’m definitely starting to think the matchup at Revolution in March won’t be a rematch between these two but more likely MJF vs. Wardlow, which I’m down with.
• One-eyed Julia Hart accepted Mark Sterling’s challenge on behalf of TBS Champion Jade Cargill and basically told Griff Garrison “whatever, I do what I want” when he tried to convince her that’s a bad idea. Surely that’s going to turn out well for her.

That’s it for another week! Beach Break, aside from the oddness of its very premise and a few matches/segments that were fairly meh, was actually a pretty good show. Thanks again for joining me, and please come back again next week for more Chair Shots!